I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize