I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
