How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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