I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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