I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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