you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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