Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
