cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
