Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
