Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize