Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
