At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize