Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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