Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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