He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
