I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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