I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
