Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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