Im at strip club and am horny
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You are the jesus of drinking
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
