Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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