You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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