im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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