dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
