im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
