I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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