Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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