my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
