I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
