I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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