I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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