Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
