We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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