Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
