i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
