dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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