He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
