i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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