I think scott just propositioned me for sex
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
