Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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