Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
