the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
