there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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