you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
