i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
