when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
