it wasn't lemon gatorade
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
