he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
