Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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