we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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