Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize