Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
