he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
