I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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