I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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