You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
