It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
