Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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