Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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