maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
