The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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