Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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