im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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