FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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