im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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