oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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