So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
