Kareoke will never be a sober sport
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
