Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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